Wandering Through Delirium

Fingers dashing across keypad

Shaking

 Simply wishing to be

In a comatose state again

Wishing for…

Things I shouldn’t be wishing for

And as she answers the phone

My mind’s a mess

And I can tell that she knows that

As I ask her

To tell me of happy things

Because I hope this brilliant girl

Can give me a moment of reprieve

And she tells me of beautiful things

Like rainbows

And rainbows…

And… rainbows… and kittens

Because what else does a lesbian need?

She tells me of sunny days

And tells me of that beautiful woman

That is so close to being a goddess

That I mistake her for Artemis

But she won’t mind

Because our heart’s were meant to intertwine

And she stop’s to mention

How this woman’s face

Does not resemble her or her or her or her

And especially not that girl

Who goes out of her way 

To avoid me in the grocery store

She reminds me of the beauty in this world…

And a couple days later

I go on the internet and see

That she has written a poem 

For me

And as I read the rhythmic lines 

Tears start to fall from my eyes

Because just ten minutes before

I was falling apart inside

Standing on the brink of desolation

Self destruction

But she reminds me of the reasons

To stay alive

And keep on dancing

Even if it’s only to hold myself together

And to not care

Even if the girl who avoids me in 

Grocery stores

Is on the other side of the dance floor

Because all that matters

Are things that are happy

I apologize for my prolonged absence, although I do not know how many of you are actually going to bother reading this. This might just become another forgotten post buried in the depths of cyberspace, constantly passed by without second thought. Either way, I still feel an apology is necessary. Over the past couple of months I have been busy; trying to get by in school, falling head over heels in love in a relationship meant to end, and broken up with. I know that in the past I have written and posted many things relating to my past, many things with depressing and dim undertones. Today however, is a new day, and I have decided to finally make positive change in my life. While I will remember my past, I shall not let the darker parts of it control me any longer. I will cherish each beautiful moment I live in the present, and look towards the future with hope and my goals in mind. I will try to go through this journey of life with a smile on my face every step I take, and hopefully in the process, I will find who I am and learn to love myself despite my faults.

From, 

Cat